"Shame, you poor little thing."
"Things didn't work out? Shame!"
I hate that word. Actually, hate is an understatement. I loathe it. Weird as it may sound, I never liked the word "shame" being uttered in my face, I'd totally lose it. Of course the other person saying it wouldn't mean any harm, it's just the traditional and more accepted way of providing the much needed sympathy in unfortunate situations.
But I never perceived it like that.
Just days ago I pondered on this strange flaw, and asked myself why I couldn't stand that word, or many others, which seemingly implied (to me) that I was weak or vulnerable. A direct bruise to my ego. I wasn't meant to look weak or vulnerable, I always had to be at the top of my game. Such vanity. But if I supposedly had it all, why did it have such an effect on me?
Self-esteem.
I'll give you an example. Most of us take solace in finding validation even from people we don't know, especially in this digital age, where everyone is connected to anyone. We post that one bomb selfie online and if we don't have that many "likes" to feel invincible, it can seem like the end of the world to our self-esteem...
So, back to my "shame"ful situation. I always got defensive when my vulnerability was exposed, just because I still had issues in dealing with my self esteem and ultimately my confidence.
It's really crippling when you don't know your worth. We're quick to compare our lives with others, and wish as much that we did not have to be in our own shoes. I have been a victim. Just because life doesn't seemingly look rosy does not mean it's the end of the road. Many times we fail to see the blessings right in front of us but opt to be on the other side of the road so quickly. Sad but true.
Poor self-esteem can do so much damage than it can take to heal. I understand that for some people, it's an every day battle that can ultimately lead to depression. If looking down on yourself becomes a daily habit, it can feel as though you're doomed for life.
I'm still one person who has yet to master the art of accepting who I am and think highly of myself and no, it's not easy.
So I guess before you start each day, remember that you are alive. Being alive means that you have the opportunity to unleash your talents to the world, be extraordinary and achieve goals that you would have once thought were unattainable.
Remember that you're not in this alone. Family and the right mix of friends will come in handy when you feel like falling into the trap. After all, what we all need is a little jump start from them to get the ball rolling.
Pray. I cannot emphasize this with the deserved passion. Dealing with poor self-esteem cannot be solved if you don't let God be the center of it all.
Believe in yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but if those four words become a daily mantra it can be the very start to a lot of triumphs. Challenge yourself to be out of the ordinary.
A loved one once told me, "Darling, you have to be patient with yourself. You don't know how worthy you are."
And I say the same to you, reader, your worth is not of this world.
-RR
